Hello Donel,

I am another one of the quiet ones, who has been following your amazing blog faithfully but not commenting (except for once). The journey you chronicle has been interesting and inspiring and more than anything I have been captivated by the honesty, lack of fear and forthrightness with which you've confronted your illness and now the end of your life. I've laughed, I've cried, as they say. And I've learned a lot from your dance that I will carry with me into my own life.

I wanted to comment on your latest entry about hospice in particular because my experience with the hospice organization in CA that helped us when my mom was dying was so wonderful. Hospice workers really do amazing work and their knowledge of what is to come is reliable, realistic and always helpful. I am sure they will be an invaluable resource for you & your family.

As I've been reading your entries, every once in a while this little saying runs through my head - I don't know who it was who said it, though I think it has a Zen-like ring: "Serenity is not freedom from the storm, but peace within it." It certainly seems to me like you've attained that peace.

Love, Erika

Hi Don,
Your ability to find goodness in all things is a perspective I wish more of us had. Imagine how we could approach life's challenges if we saw the light in them. As another former WHCC member, I share and thank Mary Becker's view - you have always remained my minister, friend and family. Thank you doesn't even begin to cover it!
Love,
Chris

Dear Donel,
When Gram was approaching 99 years of age, she lost interest in eating. She seemed to give up on her longstanding goal of attaining 100, and the family agreed not to wait--we gathered for a big 99th birthday party.
With a prognosis of less than six months, she had been placed on hospice care. The nurse assigned to her was named Melody Long (no joke!). Melody's attention and love brought a song back into Gram's life. She blossomed once more and, with an ampler prognosis, had to be taken off hospice. She went on to 100, got her birthday card from "that man" (President Clinton), had a SECOND big birthday party, and died a month later.
The *best* people are involved in hospice, truly a ministry of grace.
Love to you, Jack

Donel and Marilyn,

I am so pleased that you chose to work with Hospice. I am such a passionate fan of their work - I've always believed we need midwives for dying, as well as birth.

Donel, you continue to be an exquisite teacher throughout this process and an inspiring model for living one's dying. It truly is simply another adventure to be had, and you are journeying to your graduation with grace and dignity. We, on the other hand, will have to adjust to a world without you and the loss is profound.

By the way, have you considered having a rip-roaring farewell party/dance???
Much Love,
Janet Ott

Now you know why I am so passionate about Hospice. I have been on the Foundation Board since 1996 and after I serve this year as president I have no intention of leaving. The nurses are angels and all of the staff and volunteers are beautiful people. I know you and Marilyn will be in good hands. By the way Marilyn that was my passion last night on the form.

Good morning -
I second the notion of a gigantic going away party - perhaps we could all be there electronically in a chat room.

Don, the party idea reminded of something you said many years ago with respect to dying: You remarked one could learn much about how people would leave the world by observing when (and how)they left a party.

Did they leave early, quietly - to get home and tucked in before David Letterman? (well, you said Johnny Carson actually) Did they leave with the crowd, noisey with well-wishes? Were they the last ones standing long after everyone had gone home and the hosts had gone to sleep?

I have often remembered this as loved ones and friends leave the Big Party and it seems to hold true.

Get out the gut-bucket and party on. We are all with you - a choir, an orchestra - vamping as back-up while you sing the song of life.

What a wonderful party - and such glorious music.

Mary Becker

Hi Uncle Don: I have felt that someone needs to be in denial for awhile, and it certainly isn't you. As always you continue to shine through your faith and dignity, even in death. I decided it's time for me to accept the truth, and want you to know that my church is praying for you to "finish well" (a favorite phrase from a good friend of mine).

Mom and I are looking forward to our trip up the first part of May. Will you have sunshine, or should be bring some good old California sun?

By the way, I have such confidence in your spiritual and technological abilities that I don't think any of us would be surprised to find that you continue "blogging" even after you have continued your journey into God's arms.

I love you.

Mary, what California sun???

Donel-
For many years I have said my daily prayers primarily while I did my morning walk. I long ago figured out that it helped me focus on specific people and issues if I selected a tree or bush to represent them. Thus, a large cedar tree I pass is the place where I pray for my children and a strong maple for Ed. I decided recently that an Eastern redbud I pass would remind me to pray for you. It sways so gracefully in the breeze it appears to be dancing!

I came across this fragment of writing by Ursula LeGuin recently:
"There is no safety and there is no end. The Word must be heard in silence; There must be darkness to see the stars; the dance is always danced above the hollow place, above the abyss."
Blessings to you and Marilyn,
Gail and Ed

Erin (seven years old for those of you who don't know her and VERY practical unlike her mother)enjoyed in her quiet way when things seem solemn her visit with you last night, Donel. I was glad that she got to see you while you are looking well and hope for that condition to last a lot longer! Erin is hoping that you will look up Cottonball when you get "there" and tell him that she misses him. If you do happen across this precious kitty in your travels I too have a personal request.... Will you please tell him that a rose by any other name would smell as sweet and he has my support to change his monniker to something more dignified if he wants to? I've always felt guilty about sticking that sturdy guy with "Cottonball" but I think he knew it was out of Erin's heart. Sorry. It would seem that even after your travels on this earth are complete you won't be free of cats!

I am all for a party now!!

After an inspiring brief visit to "Bright Wings," I am reminded of William Cullen Bryant's poem, THANATOPSIS, and share just the last verse only.

So live, that when thy summons comes to join
The innumerable caravan, which moves
To that mysterious realm, where each shall take
His chamber in the silent halls of death,
Thou go not, like the quarry-slave at night,
Scourged to his dungeon, but, sustained and soothed
By an unfaltering trust, approach thy grave
Like one who wraps the drapery of his couch
About him, and lies down to pleasant dreams.