January 30, 2005

News of My Mortality

Today at church a couple of people told Marilyn that they had heard that I had three-months to live. It was news to her and to me! I assume that someone has come to that understanding and is sharing such important information with others. The truth is that I don't know how long I may survive. My doctors don't know how long I may survive. Medical statistics just can't be applied to an individual case. I think I know where the rumor may have started. A radiologist explained to Marilyn and me that response to cancer follows the familiar bell curve. bellcurveweb.jpg On the left side of the bell curve, are grouped a small number of people with my form of cancer who may die from the disease within two or three months. On the far right side are those very few who experience a remission of their cancer. In between are the great numbers of people who will survive more that three months and less than forever. I could be in the three month category and am content with that possibility. However that is not something anyone but God knows for sure. My response is to praise my Maker for each day of life and to receive it with gratitude and joy. If my days are few or many I will be content, for each is filled with grace. When my life ends, you may be sure that it will be reported here . . . in a spirit of joy and thanksgiving. Posted by Donel at January 30, 2005 01:10 PM

Donel - Leave it to you to address what is said about you with candidness and humor! Characteristics no doubt practiced in your role as a pastor.

I missed church today getting Bruce off at the airport and the dogs settled in Canada for two weeks. The day has been incredible with the spirit speaking louder than usual as I visited Village Books on the way home! A book of poetry caught my eye by Shandy Shreve. " The Speed of the Wheel is Up to the Potter". I thought you might enjoy the poem entitled "The Potter's Wheel".

Type, collate, staple:
mass-producing memos
The way metal molds
race to create consumer cups
by the hundreds.

Later, my night-class
instructor says, the best way
to burst air-bubbles
is to receded kneading
with therapeutic pounding:
so I slam my slab of clay against the work-bench
as if it was my typewriter
crashing through
the office window,
as though the clouds of dust
were cold keys
and black ribbons
billowing into oblivion

Then, smeared with the mucky
mass of centered clay, my hands
begin to mold the mug
nurse it, like a suckling child;
feet kick and brake the wheel
as rigid fingers shape the sides,
style grooves and ease
the form
from mind's eye
to kiln -readied gree-ware:
as the wheel spins
so grows the clay-
and the speed of the wheel
is up to the potter

Today my image of God is as a potter!

I've said this a number of times to you in person and want to say again - thank you for sharing the gift of your dance and the gift of information. I also want to thank Martin for creating a communication and learning environment for all of us. I've shared Jenny's poem with family!

Take care,
Sharon

Posted by: Sharon at January 30, 2005 04:56 PM

Well Dad, as most of us know you certainly are well above average when it comes to living your life with fullness and grace, so I'm sure I'm not alone in hoping for better than average results on life expectancy as well!

Tango anyone?

Posted by: Jeni at January 30, 2005 09:24 PM

Donel,

Your response to heresay as to how long you have to live is wonderful. God knows and I hope that is enough for you and Marilyn. I liked what Jennifer said earlier: it's okay to roll your eyes if we say we know just how you feel. Maybe that also goes for knowledge of how long you'll survive.

Chuck and I have known you but a few years, yet we hold you and Marilyn tenderly in our thoughts. We walked the boardwalk between Boulevard Park and Fairhaven on Saturday and spoke of you.

As Lad said this morning in worship, life is a faith journey for all of us for however long it lasts. That's not to say it's easy or always paved with clear directives or what we would choose. You walk in grace and it sounds like you've been noticing the renewal of life in birds and buds. Keep walking, dancing, feeling, hoping.

Chuck and Gail

Posted by: chuck and gail at January 30, 2005 10:56 PM

and laughter, I might add. To aid you in finding a reason to laugh I have sent to your private mailbox a slighty ribald piece that explains the difference between how men and women shower. Because there are some graphic images I have chosen not to post here where your genteel readership might be offended. Who knows. Maybe you'll be offended as well! In that case let me know and I will get out the Dr. Seuss joke book.

The humor comes from Rick's brother in Costa Rica who is single once more and has time to contemplate the difference between women and men. It brought tears to my eyes last night but then I was tired having sat through two worship services yesterday - one in a language I don't speak or understand.

Ta Ta, Jennifer

Posted by: Jennifer at January 31, 2005 07:41 AM

Nice job with the bell curve! I agree, also, that you are above average in every way and will certainly prove ANY prognostications wrong! You and Marilyn do embody the concepts of grace and dignity - so just keep rolling those eyeballs (should count for some kind of exercise) and walking the talk, I mean walk. By the way, if you want to experience a GREAT route through Whatcom Falls Park, let me know, and I'll show you the way. . .
Love,
Janet O. (the other, other Janet)

Posted by: janet at January 31, 2005 08:06 PM

In truth, we are all dancing a finite number of steps; it's been my experience that we tend to not consider that on a personal level until reality stumbles along to remind us.
I'm thinking of Rebecca's aikido class when I think of how gracefully you roll with the stumbles and land back on your feet.
Whether you have 3 steps left or 30,000, Donel, as always, your mind and heart and spirit lead the way.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts here--it's like getting a chance to be backstage.

Posted by: Anne Theiler at January 31, 2005 09:06 PM

This is the first time that you will ever hear me urge you to swing to the right.

Posted by: Dani at February 1, 2005 01:04 AM

HA! I kept lookin' at your bell curve Donel and knew I had seen it somewhere else. It's taken me several days to figure it out but now I have. I'm wondering if you have been doin' too many drugs and you have been hallucinating. That ain't no scientific bell curve and I have the proof!

In my 1943 copy of Le Petit Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupery on page 8 it clearly shows what is hidden by your so-called bell curve. There's an elephant under that shape!

Now I don't know what all this means. But I think you should start paying attention to the elephants. They tend to be wise and community is so important to them.

Your Doc may have shown you this bell curve but I'm sure there was a hidden message: elephants, though hidden, are critically important.

Now Jung would have all kinds of fun with this but let's leave him out, shall we? Instead, look into my eyes and say "I believe in the power of the elephants," and we shall see what we shall see.

Jennifer

Posted by: Jennifer at February 1, 2005 07:26 PM

I was diagnose with Kidney Cancer 6 months ago, I am now also experiencing some pain in my back. I hope you will continue to be gutsy...

Posted by: soohk at February 3, 2005 07:55 PM
Comments are now closed, thank you.