Dear Donel and Marilyn,

Good for you. We all need to live the best we know and die as much as possible as we choose. Terri Schiavo's situation gave Chuck and I reason to update our living wills/medical directives in the past week as well.

My father wanted simple cremation which we honored at his death in 1/2000. He had enjoyed many days, weeks, hours in Mt. Rainier National Park with Mom and us 3 children. That included a trip around the mountain on the Wonderland Trail with our family in the mid-fifties when I was 13 years old.

Dad's wishes were to have his ashes spread or buried near Paradise where we had left Mother's 5 years previously. We children waited until August of 2000 to have warmer weather. We spent time sitting, talking, remembering on the slopes of the mountain followed by a picnic. I can't tell you how fitting and comforting that experience was to us. Yes, it was stark to remove a cardboard box from the car with the physical remains of my father in it, but the expression was so in accordance with my Dad's convictions about the next life, etc. (We had had a memorial at Wesley Homes in Des Moines near the date of death for friends and loved ones.)

I'm going to cry, so I'll sign off. Let your tears, and plans help you now, Marilyn, for it surely will be far more difficult later. We'll be here for you. Thanks so much for your sharing what's true.

Gail

I wish you would stop being so darn cheerful. It is making it hard for me to wallow in grief. Love you. j

I agree with Janet. It's very hard for me to get a grip on my grief with you emphasizing all this joy all the time. But I'm going to go with it. I think I'm more in a mind to celebrate what I love about you than sit and pretend you're already gone.

If there is any way that I can dance or sing with you at this time I would welcome the opportunity. In the meantime know that my body dances and sings everyday on your behalf.

In loving celebration,
Amy

Dear Don,

I have been following your journey for some time now, praying for you, missing you, and trying (for weeks) to find the words to tell you how much you have meant to me, especially when I began to make my own journey back to a church, a church where I could feel welcome and cared for. You helped me learn once more to live according to the turning of the seasons and to appreciate the profound darkness of the Tenebrae as well as the beauty of the resurrection.

When Bob and I moved back to California, we found a wonderful UCC in Brea, and I have thought of you often ( as a fellow Californian) at certain times of the year when I marvel at the scent of orange blossoms, the clatter of eucalyptus leaves, the sound of the waves crashing against the shore at Laguna Beach.

It is a beautiful, windy day here, the kind of Southern California day that takes one's breath away. We have had swarms of tiny golden butterflies, millions of them, passing by on the wind and reminding me of the transforming power of life.

I pray for you every week in my new church home, for your comfort and peace and in thanksgiving for having been your parishioner and friend.

My favorite litany, first recited with you:

You are with us, oh God, in darkness and in light.

Thank you for helping me learn that for real.
God is indeed still speaking,

In love,

Connie Eggers

I'm with you all the way Donel (about the planning that is) but I really wish you would re-think the plastic container. I realize it will be a temporary holder of some ashes, but still! What I have chosen, lo these many years ago, is a tasteful Japanese paper box. Recyclable, esthetically pleasing, and the right price. The only thing that would improve upon it would be finding one (unused-although it might be kind of kinky imaging whose ashes I'm up against!) at Value Village.

If you want, I will bring back something unique from China - or you could visit the local Wal-Mart.

After seeing the lovely bulletin people will be shocked to know your ashes are in a Darigold milk container, even a soy cartoon would be better. Tell me you're willing to rethink this part of the grand plan.

Jennifer

Ah, friends, I love your comments. As to being too happy-clappy, that's the way I am feeling these days. My task is to begin to release some of the responsibilities, burdens and joys of life, yes and even family and friends. This does not mean that I love or cherish you less, but that the task before me is to live more and more in the Spirit and less and less in the life I have known.

Nothing can take away the relationships we have had, the faith and hope we have shared, the wisdom we have imparted to one another. It is hard to say goodbye to that.

I won't deny anyone their grief and I will report on down days when they come. So far my gratitude to God for the gift of life and my sense of the presence and comfort of the Holy Spirit is so great that it is difficult to be down for long.

We sincerely wish someone would say "April Fool" and we could wish all of this away. You have been so upbeat for all of us and I'm hoping I can remember some of your example the next time I need it. We too have followed the cases of the Pope and the family in Florida. None of us want either of those situations and you've set a more sterling example of this dance of yours. We continue to pray for you and the family and send our love. Joan and Paul

Dear Donel, When I told Rick about your latest blog entry he asked, "Is he preaching at the service?" Now Donel, you may think that funny but we once had a parishioner with the last name of Thwing who was an organist. He recorded himself playing and this was the music played at his memorial service. Rememember, this was "Live free or die," New Hampshire. The story Herb liked to tell about himself was when he was asked to be a guest organist. He was a rather hefty fellow and when he was playing the offertory the organ bench broke and he was spilled out onto the floor. The collection was the largest it had ever been. He was asked to come back the next week (in the hope another accident might take place).

Enjoy the Spirit moving in and setting up a permanent way-station.

Donel, I think it is beautiful that you are planning the celebration of your life. Very beautiful indeed. I love it.

I LOVED seeing the photo of you with the cranes. I folded 20 of them 2 nights ago and it made me so happy to turn on the computer today and see that lovely picture with you under them.

If there is any kind of art work I could contribute to your celebration, I would LOVE to contribute, (please, please!) Any kind of banner or anything at all, if you have any ideas or if you want me to come up with an idea I could do that too. I would really appreciate the chance to say goodbye in my own way and with my own form of giving you my love, and I would love to do something, if you would allow it.

Also I understand the non-ornate cardboard box and ziplock plastic bag have their draws for storing your ashes, but for those of us who are your paper artist friends, perhaps I am the only one so perhaps I should not use the term "we," well, what I'm trying to say is that at least if nothing else, consider allowing an artist friend take up the challenge of creating a temporal, recyclable, box that can be freed in some way, just like your ashes. I don't mean something precious, rather, what's a good word, maybe -- graceful? There are papers that can be planted in the ground and grow into flowers you know. Even boxes that would burn better than cardboard. I honor whatever your wishes are, but I just thought I would throw that out there in case you didn't realize there are temporal, humble options other than nike boxes.

Love,
Kj

I've been lurking on this list reading and crying and finding comfort-- but have not written anything because I felt like I should let those closest to you post their thoughts. I finally decided that was silly.
I am honored that you baptized my children and me. I will never forget you letting Maren splash her bare feet in the font during her "bathtism" (her word).
You have made a stronger impact on me than you than you could guess.
I truly admire your strength and willingness to share this dance and to help us all learn from your example of faith and grace.
Much love,
Carolyn Nielsen Thompson
"The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone." -- Harriet Beecher Stowe

Tearful Greetings from Finland,

I hope you can feel our love and prayer surrounding you all.

I have pictures of the newest family members to show you when we get home. I had a wonderful day yesterday with the babies...I couldn't help be think of Donel when I was holding Eerika (8months).

As you continue to live with such dignity, we continue to learn from you.

I Love You,
Bobbi ja Pasi

Dear Ones-

I have been feeling very "connected" to my Bellingham faith community through this blog....reading and praying and crying and laughing along. That connection has become especially important and poingnant the last week or so.....as Kent and I and Kyle and Meagan face the end times of my mother. I am finding comfort in the words shared with Donel....but feeling very far away from my faith community.

We, too, have been taking care of business, my mom's and ours. As many others, we have been prodded to update our wills and advance directives. We have the comfort of knowing what mom wants, but it doesn't make the dance any easier

I find comfort and humor in the discussion here about "the box." A few years ago, it fell to me to pick up my dad's ashes. My mom could not, just could not, face that task. So until the time came many months later when she could cope, I was the guardian of "the box". It didn't sit easy with me. I could not bring myself to bring the box inside, and it seemed undignified to put them away in the garage. So for six months Dad drove along with me in the car.

I am surely not the pragmatist in our family, but we do have a few. In her own way, Meg asked if she could bring an urn home from Vietnam with her when she comes home for a visit in two weeks. Like the rest of us, she is praying that her Gommy will hang in there until she gets here, but she told me that just bringing something beautiful home for her Gommy will be OK. She knew what I was feeling those long six months driving "the box."

I could appreciate Donel's remarks about his quiet wait, and the work he is doing connecting with God. Mom has mentioned quietly several times as I sit with her that she is working to connect more closely to her God. I guess I had never thought of that as "work", but I am learning the same lesson from two wise ones.

I was singing one of Mom's favorite hymns to her the other day.....and I remembered the enjoyment of the poetry, the imagry. It was sung at our wedding.

"A grateful heart a garden is where there is always room for every lovely God-like grace to come to perfect bloom.

I will always be grateful that we had the time to bloom in FCCB's garden. We miss you and love you.

Marilee

Hi Don & Familie McClellan,

This is John Rogers writing from Wien, Austria. I'm one of the people Jenni described in her note a couple of days ago -- shy ones who aren't all that interested in stepping onto the blog stage. But I want to be in communication with friend, Don, and his neat family. So I guess this is the price one pays for that privilege, eh?

I've been reading the blog since last summer, Don, when we were then residing in Berlin. The blog's been a wondrous instrument for communicating and it's been an interesting read for us. I like the way you're using this medium to continue teaching us of things life and death, dancing and squeezing the most from life -- after you've given so much to it.

As you know, Barbara and I are living in Vienna for a few months while I serve as interim pastor of the Vienna Community Church, an international, English-speaking congregation situated in the heart of Vienna's historic District. It's the 6th international church I've served as interim since my retirement in 1998. We love the plunge into foreign cultures which these ministries require of us simply to survive.

Here in staunchly Roman Catholic Austria, there's a somber death watch taking place in Pope John Paul II's behalf. Witnessing it helps one to appreciate the contrasting ways many of us from liberal Protestantism understand and view death. The differences can be dramatically different.

Speaking of differences, on Palm Sunday, it's the tradition of our congregation to gather in the Graben (the oldest street in Wien). It's only a block from our church. There, I distributed, not palm branches (there are no palms growing in these here parts), but pussy willows (which are abundant here) to the congregation. Of course, the tourists also saw me in my flowing robes and colorful stole and they, too, gathered 'round to receive some pussy willows of their own. I discovered they must have been tourists when they didn't follow me in the procession to church.

Our grandson, Ian (Andy's youngest), and a friend, are visiting us this week of springbreak from Midland, MI. Ian turned 16 yesterday, April 1st, so we celebrated by enjoying the biggest weinerschnitzel in Wien. I swear it was the size of a medium pizza and hung several inches off the edge of the platter upon which it was served.

I'm glad you've gotten your act together, Don. But, then, many of us who have known you well over the years have felt that you've had it all together for a very long time now. You and I have known one another for well over 35 years. I've always felt that way about you.

Thanks for sharing your life with us so completely through these blog pages. After writing this, providing the sky doesn't fall in on me, I may even try this again.

Thinking of you everyday. Barbara joins me in sending our warmest best wishes. We continue to hope we can get together with you following our return to the States in mid-June. In the meantime, give some serious consideration to sticking around so that can happen.

Love,
John

Dear Don,

I am happy to see that you have taken care of all of the business. I have many elderly (older than you and I) clients and I stand on my soap box about that.

However, I am a little annoyed with you. Years ago, following the beautiful service that you did for our friend Karen Eckhart, I said to you that I wanted you to do my service upon my passing. You have certainly picked an awful way to get out of doing it. You could have said that you didn't want to do it. I would have been content with that.

Whenever I had any issues to discuss all I had to do was pick up the phone and you have said the right things. I am going to miss that. Even though we don't see you and Marilyn often, you are always in our thoughts and prayers. And you always will be.

Love to you.
Anita

I, too, have been following the blog out of sight, not really sure of your reaction to my presence here.

It is good that you are making plans. The confusion that can come out of no plans is difficult for all involved. And the box! Surely something more than plastic! I remember the box that UPS brought with my grandma's remains (yes, we had to sign for her). It felt so much better when the ashes were transferred to a container that made us smile and remember good things, not the odd plastic and cardboard she had arrived in.

Thank you for all you've shared....